Hello beautiful Highlites! The other day I posted on my Instagram page about the hubby and my Anniversary. In addition to all the comments, compliments, and congratulations I received in my DMs (thank you, by the way! 🙏🏾), there were also a ton of requests from newlyweds and engaged women for the scoop on how to make a marriage last. And since we’re a few weeks from the Love month, I thought I would do a post on it. 

Generally, I steer clear of giving advice or telling someone about their marriage or telling them a decision on their marriage or relationship. And before you read any further, know that I can and am only speaking for our marriage. We married and started a family very young. And I must say it’s hard work, as you can probably imagine —iIt’s like having another full time job. You’re constantly working on it every minute of every day and night.

We don’t sweat the small stuff, such as him leaving the seat up on the toilet or my sink looking like a clutter bug lives there. We spend our time and energy on more serious stuff like making sure we are communicating about business and loving each other with actions instead of words.

At the beginning of the year every year we sit down to write out our goals for the year, we revisit those goals throughout the year to see how we are doing. At the end of the year, we might say: “Honey, we need to work a little harder on this,” or “Honey, we did really good at this, always keeping the line of communication open.”

I’m not that headache girl when it’s time for wifely duties. I love making him happy, I take care of him very well, leaving no open door for anyone else to have the opportunity to creep in. And he does the same for me. We’re not perfect but we try to get the best out of it.

We work very hard because divorce rates are incredibly high in African Americans. For whatever reason, we know that we don’t want to be in that number.

Society has taught us women to be strong and believe that we don’t need a partner — the idea of the independent woman who can do it all by ourselves. 

And to each their own, but I’m very ol’ school and I enjoy having that partner doing the role of taking care of the things the king (head of the household) should do that way l’m able to stay in my role of being the queen of the house. And I love that.

Highlites, don’t always think that you have to run out or walk out, give up when there are serious issues or because a friend decided that she wasn’t going to deal with something in her marriage and she’s gonna end it. That doesn’t mean that the same has to happened to you.

Marriage is a lifelong adventure filled with triumphs and defeats — and all married couples will experience different seasons in married life. (1 Corinthians 7:28). 

Marriage is the journey of doing life together: the fun times, hard times, joyful times, painful times, exciting time that deepens and grows love for each other in a relationship. 

Here are a few important tips that we’ve used throughout the years and they have truly worked as we apply them:

1) Communication: It’s the foundation of a strong marriage.  James1:19

2) Money: it’s an important issue for most married couples. Successfully managing finances in marriage is essential to happiness together. Ecclesiastes 4:9

3. Sex: Start treating yourself like the desirable, hot, confident woman that you are. Who cares if childbearing altered your body a little? Stay confident! Kissing, Role playing, foreplay, teasing, playing with each other throughout the day, and complimenting each other makes for happy sex life.  Hebrews 13:4

4) No details shared! No one else gets to make any decisions on what goes on in your marriage but yourself and spouse. Keeping it between the two of you. Translation: Everyone — including family and friends! — must  stay OUT!  Mark10:9

5) Love: Accept that your partner is not perfect, but you want to be with them anyway. And choose gratitude that you are accepted despite your imperfections. Love is still being happy to come home to that same person after 38 years. He is my best friend that knows everything about me and not being afraid of him sharing it with anyone. Ephesians 4:2-3

One more thing: Support one another, never talk down to each other or bad about one another!

In no way am I a marriage counselor or Professional Love expert! But if this helps just one person out there, then I’m grateful for the platform to share my experience.



Debbie Jones